Thank You, 2012!

2012 was definitely a GREAT year for me, mostly because it was a year that I chose to be grateful, open-minded and open-hearted. 

2012 was a year of adventure: travelling around the country and around the WORLD by myself, and also with friends and family. 

2012 was a year of accomplishment: I finished my first major construction project (The Mind Museum); the first house I have ever designed was built, and we moved into it; and I graduated from my MBA! 

2012 was a year of new experiences and new beginnings: I met new friends, explored new hobbies and past-times, and partied the night away; I started a new construction project, handled more responsibility, and new love found me. :)

I will always look back at 2012 with fondness and gratitude. At the same time, I will treat 2013 with the same appreciation, thanking it for the adventure, the accomplishments, the experiences and beginnings that it will surely give me.

Goodbye, 2012! Thank you for all the love! 2013, are you ready to paint the world red with me? :) Let's go! ♥

February #30

It's February again...that odd month in the year with only 28/29 days, and the month when 2 of the most emotional days occur: Valentine's Day and MY BIRTHDAY. Hehe. :)

I have a love/hate relationship with February...and looking back at my blog posts from the same month in previous years, I realize that my reaction to February largely depends on the state my heart is in. I have ALWAYS known that February is a roller coaster of emotions for me, and the bad thing about it is, in the past, I've allowed it to take me for a ride. I've allowed it to drag me down to the lowest of the lows, and then pull me up to the high heavens. It seemed like such a good idea at the time, to be at the mercy of my emotions, to not try to hide how I really feel.

2005 - "February is bittersweet. It is when I wake up alternately happy and sad; It is when I feel the loneliest and when I feel the most loved. Contradicting (or crazy) as of all that may seem, all of that is what makes February special to me." (http://dedmalang.blogspot.com/2005/02/bittersweet-february.html)

2006 - For a time, I was worried that my February would not wrap up in the way that I wanted it to. I had a few down times during the middle of those 2 BIG events...but thankfully, God hasn't let me down. He still gave me the best birthday month ever. :) I just gotta love February. :) (http://dedmalang.blogspot.com/2006/03/just-gotta-love-feb.html)

2007 - I haven't been feeling very nice these past few weeks (the whole of February to be exact). I dunno why I'm so irritable/depressed/moody/sensitive for this month. I'm assuming I'm experiencing what's called the "Birthday Blues" -- also known as the condition that one acquires when one expects too much from other people. Bad. Very bad. :( (http://dedmalang.blogspot.com/2007/02/gusto-ko-to.html)

2010 - Who the hell invented this twisted tradition of treating everybody else on your own birthday?? It's supposed to be my special day, I should be treated like a princess! Pamper me! Surprise me! Stop nagging me to feed you! Close ba tayo?? (http://dedmalang.blogspot.com/2010/02/i-blow-out-mo-mukha-mo.html)

2010 - My dad said, after greeting me a happy birthday, that I have 5 more years to get married. "No more, no less." HAHAHA. Hah. Boo. *thoughtful frown* This is the most uneventful birthday of my life. Hmm. I kinda like it this way. (http://dedmalang.blogspot.com/2010/02/twenty-eight.html)

This year, I turn 30. It shouldn't be a big deal...30 is just a number, after all. But it doesn't hurt to look back and reflect on how the past 30 years have been for me: what I've been through, where I've been, how I acted, how I changed, how I grew, what I have become. Birthdays are a time to celebrate life; a time to celebrate how we get to have more time here on earth with our loved ones; a time to celebrate our achievements, our triumphs, and even our heart breaks.

This year would also be a good time to CHOOSE to be happy on my birthday. Sure, I've had happy birthdays before, but there were times when I've also allowed myself to be consumed by birthday blues. Now that I'm (supposedly) older and wiser, I know that I can ALWAYS opt to stay on the sunny side of the street. Why choose to be depressed? Why choose to be full of angst? Birthday blues, you are only a figment of my imagination. :P

I have so many things to be thankful for. 2011 has been a very difficult year for me; full of trials, especially at work. But it has given way to 2012, a year to be thankful for the challenges that have allowed me to become a better person. 2012 isn't just the year I turn 30...it is also the year I get to truly appreciate the maturity and wisdom that the past 30 years have bequeathed upon me.

The past 29 Februaries were dry-runs, leading up to February #30. Trial period is over. It's about time to show February who's boss. :)

Listening to the Silence

For the past several years, I have always spent Holy Week with my family, either relaxing at home, or in some out-of-town or out-of-the-country destination. Just last year, we spent it in Bellarocca, an island resort in Marinduque, Philippines. The year before that, we were in Beijing, China. We would still do the usual Lenten practices (such as Bisita Iglesia, Stations of the Cross), and we would never fail to visit the churches in the area for mass or for thanksgiving for a safe trip. But as in all vacations, there will always be some activity to keep us busy, a tourist attraction to make us awestruck, or plenty of food to keep us full and happy.

This year, though, we're spending Holy Week in 2 separate places: 1/2 of my family is in Vancouver, Canada, visiting friends, while the other half (which includes me) remains here in the Philippines. The ones who remained here had different Holy Week plans: One went to Subic, one went to sleep over at a friend's house, and one spent 3-days in a Silent Retreat in Cavite.

Guess which one I was?

This is my first retreat in 5 years, and the first Silent Retreat I've had EVER. The last retreat I attended (Life's Directions) wasn't a silent one, and it definitely wasn't a choice I made on my own ("Why are you in this retreat?" "Because my mom forced me to go!"). This year, after a "flash of inspiration," I searched and scoured Google for the keywords "Holy Week 2011 Silent Retreat in Tagaytay/Baguio/Manila." After finding several options that were either fully booked already or were not open to outsiders, I was able to get accepted into Christian Life Community's (CLC) retreat in Trece Martires, Cavite (the Baguio retreat was already full...and besides, I didn't want to drive all the way up to Baguio by myself).

(Just a side-kuwento: When I told my family of my Holy Week plans, my brother jokingly said "First the birthday outreach, now this? Mag-mamadre ka ba?" My dad said "Yes!" and I immediately gave him a piercing look after. Hahaha!)

In the past, when I would hear stories about how my parents or my friends would go to a "silent retreat," I'd say to myself that I can never ever do something like that; I didn't think I could stand being so silent for so long. I mean, I'm not a talkative person, but I'm also not too serious. Little did I know that I would yearn for silence; that there will come a time in my life when I will go looking for a chance to slow down and reflect. This past year has been a flurry of changes and strenuous thinking/feeling, so I guess I needed to recharge and reconnect (with myself and with God).

I didn't have any plans of writing/blogging about my retreat experience, as it was a very personal journey for me (and there is just TOO MUCH to say about it; I am overflowing with "aha moments."). But this morning, as I returned to the daily grind, I was struck by a song playing on my iPod -- I guess in the noise and stress of my life, the only way God can really have Himself be heard over the din is through the music I listen to.

This song tells us about the two most difficult (and when you think about it, very different from each other) tasks that God is always asking us to do: "Wait" and "Let go." This song sums up everything that I've realized over the retreat: God's message to me to patiently wait, to keep the faith, to continue on hoping, and to be grateful. I've heard more in this silence than I've ever had amidst all the noise.

My journey of self-discovery continues, but I know that when I reach the apex, I will not be disappointed.

"...and as I wait, I will rise up like the eagle."

* * * *

Enough To Let Me Go

by Switchfoot

Oh

I'm a wandering soul

I'm still walking the line that leads me home

Alone

All I know

I still got mountains to climb

On my own

On my own

Do you love me enough to let me go?

Do you love me enough to let me go?

To let me follow through

To let me fall for you, my love

Do you love me enough to let me go?

Back from the dead of winter

Back from the dead and all our leaves are dry

You're so beautiful tonight

Back from the dead we went through

Back from the dead and both our tongues are tied

You look beautiful tonight

But every seed dies before it grows

Do you love me enough to let me go?

To let me follow through

To let me fall for you

Do you love me enough to let me go?

Breathe it in

And let it go

Every breath you take is not yours to own

It's not yours to hold

Do you love me enough to let me go?

Roll With Me

Someday you will meet the Big O who will make you realize that you are not a missing piece...and who will make you realize that you are not looking for someone to complete you and take you somewhere.

You are your own piece and you can roll on your own...or roll alongside someone else. :)

Well, what are you waiting for? Roll with me. :)


* * * *


The Missing Piece Meets the Big O

by Shel Silverstein

The missing piece sat alone...
waiting for someone to come along and take it somewhere.

Some fit...
But could not roll.

Others could roll, but did not fit.

One didn't know a thing about fitting.
And another didn't know a thing about anything.

One was too delicate.

One put it on a pedestal...
and left it there.

Some had too many pieces missing.
Some had too many pieces, period.

It learned to hide from the hungry ones.

More came.

Some looked too closely.
Others rolled right by without noticing.

It tried to make itself more attractive...
It didn't help.

It tried being flashy
but that just frightened away the shy ones.

At last, one came along that fit just right.

But all of a sudden...
the missing piece began to grow!
And grow!

"I didn't know you were going to grow."

"I didn't know it either," said the missing piece.

"I'm looking for my missing piece, one that won't increase..."

And then one day, one came along who looked different.

"What do you want of me?" asked the missing piece.

"Nothing."

"What do you need from me?"

"Nothing."

"Who are you?" asked the missing piece.

"I am the Big O," said the Big O.

"I think you are the one I have been waiting for," said the missing piece. "Maybe I am your missing piece."

"But I am not missing a piece," said the Big O. "There is no place you would fit."

"That is too bad," said the missing piece. "I was hoping that perhaps I could roll with you..."

"You cannot roll with me," said the Big O, "but perhaps you can roll by yourself."

"By myself? A missing piece cannot roll by itself."

"Have you ever tried?" asked the Big O.

"But I have sharp corners," said the missing piece. "I am not shaped for rolling."

"Corners wear off," said the Big O, "and shapes change. Anyhow, I must say good-bye. Perhaps we will meet again..."

And away it rolled.

The missing piece was alone again.

For a long time, it just sat there.

Then...
Slowly...
It lifted itself up on one end...

Then lift...pull...flop...
...and flopped over.

It began to move forward...

And soon, it's edges began to wear off...

Liftpullflopliftpullflop...

And its shape began to change...

And then it was bumping instead of flopping...
And then it was bouncing instead of bumping...
And then it was rolling instead of bouncing...
And it didn't know where, and it didn't care.

It was rolling!

(For the narrative + illustrations, click here)

Valentine's Day 2011

‎"To love with our whole hearts, even though there's no guarantee." 

Is there any other, more sincere way to love? 

Wishing you all inspiration, to push you to go beyond what is expected

...courage, to be able to take that leap into the unknown

...and faith, to keep on believing in love, even in the most trying of times. 

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! Spread the love. ♥

Rosa Rosal

Again, my treemate (Kayan) has given me a piece of valuable insight that hits it spot on:

Kayan to me: "Ang dami mo nang charity work for the emotionally inadequate. You are like Rosa Rosal for the heart."

Rosa Rosal was known for her efforts in promoting blood donation. According to Kayan, *my* specialty is emotional donation. I don't know whether to be flattered or worried.

I am making this a meaningful year

It's 2011, my last year before I turn 30, and I am set on making this year a very meaningful year. So, with the help of my Navi 2010 & 2011 planners and Bo Sanchez's Soulfood, I have compiled 150 things to do for this year. A bucket list and a list of resolutions combined.

Will cross out items one-by-one. Hopefully, before the year ends, I will have accomplished a substantial amount. :) Whatever happens, I will do it with an open mind and an open heart.

I CANNOT WAIT TO GET STARTED. :)

* * * *

In no particular order:

1. Ride a hot air balloon
2. Do volunteer work
3. Start writing a book
4. Exercise 3 to 5 times per week
5. Wake up early
6. Watch more plays / musicals
7. Beat a video game (First, I should buy myself a Wii)
8. Climb a mountain
9. Have breakfast in bed
10. Watch all of my favorite actor's movies (who? Johnny Depp? Ah! I know! John Lloyd!!! Woohoo!)
11. See the aurora borealis (so I guess I should go to Norway first...)
12. Donate blood
13. Complete my degree
14. Finish a race
15. Make a list of things that make me happy (maybe I should update this list, eh?)
16. Edit my closet (de-clutter!)
17. Visit a museum. :)
18. Lose 5 pounds
19. Go whale watching
20. Learn CPR
21. Reconnect with a childhood friend (isn't that what Facebook is for? Haha)
22. Visit a rainforest
23. Become more organized
24. Swap books with a friend
<strike>25. Go on a road trip (how many times have I said this before?!)</strike>
26. Ride an elephant (go to Thailand!)
27. Help build a house with a charity
28. Ride a camel (go to Egypt!)
29. Learn sign language
30. Find a sport to fall in love with (Pilates! It's a sport to me! ♥)
31. Learn a different language (I should relearn Korean...)
32. Learn to belly dance (had 1 class in Korea...should I enroll in a class here? Hehe)
33. Go spelunking
34. Floss my teeth more often
35. Read at least one book a month (I really should finish the 5 unread books I have at home...)
36. Get published
37. Learn a new word (every day!)
38. Have a flatter stomach (less rice!)
39. Go on a spiritual retreat
40. Get lost (on my road trip! See #25)
41. Learn to meditate (pray more often)
42. Have a photo of me in a newspaper story
43. Experience weightlessness (in a pool, maybe? Or in the sea...)
44. Tour a candy factory (Willy Wonka? Haha)
45. Swim at midnight
46. Redecorate
47. Bake a cake from scratch
48. Throw a party for myself
49. Learn to dance (take dance classes!)
50. Make art
51. Have my palm / cards read
52. Read all of my favorite author's novels (who? Philippa Gregory? Nick Bantock? Cecilia Ahern?)
53. Create a soundtrack to my life
54. Watch a foreign film
55. Go for an early morning jog
56. Have a beach bonfire
57. Ride a bike to work (first, I should rehabilitate Lloydie...or buy a new bike)
58. Learn how to give a massage
59. Upgrade my computer
60. Take a culinary class
61. Make ice cream (or frozen yogurt. I really should make use of my yogurt making machine...)
62. Watch a sports game live
63. Ride in a convertible
64. Go camping (nature sucks. But, fine...I should try it again)
65. Adopt a pet
66. Start a travel journal
67. Write a love letter
68. Take one photo a day
69. Learn to rock climb
70. Run a 20-minute 5k (yeah, right, I can't even run 3k)
71. Invest in the stock market
72. Learn to play my favorite song on the guitar (so much to choose from...)
73. Create a 5-year plan
74. Read a book in one sitting
75. Actually get up when the alarm goes off (hahaha! Should learn to say goodbye to my snooze button)
76. Plan a one-week vacation
77. Actually go on that vacation
78. Drink 3 liters of water a day
79. Go on a spur of the moment road trip (related to #25, but more adventurous, I guess)
80. Take my vitamins
81. Laugh everyday
82. Send someone a postcard
83. Master the art of packing
84. Document my dreams (will start a dream journal soon...)
85. Spend less time online (wahahaha! This is going to be hard)
86. Get a pen pal (uso pa ba to?)
87. Find myself
88. Meet someone famous
89. Stop contradicting myself! (hahaha, guilty as charged)
90. Speak up!!!
91. Create a 2011 wish list
92. Go for regular massages
93. See my favorite band play (who? The Script? Maroon 5? Puwede boyband?)
94. Smile at someone I don't know
95. Do something that matters to someone
96. Learn to cook my favorite dish (related to #60)
97. Ride a gondola in Venice (oh, Europe, when can I see you?)
98. Visit a flea market
99. Get myself a birthday present I've always wanted
100. Fly a kite
101. Create a playlist of my ultimate favorite songs
102. Drink tea (instead of coffee)
103. Spend more time outdoors
104. Make my handwriting into a font (oooh, cool, what's the program for this?)
105. Get lost in a foreign city
106. Go all out on my Christmas decorations
107. Start a new collection (yeah, my shot glasses are getting boring)
108. Fall in love again ♥
109. Get paid to travel
110. Practice the law of attraction
111. Sit up straight!
112. Say no without being guilty about it!
113. Keep track of all the places I have been
114. Make something I will actually use
115. Allow myself one lazy day a week
116. Pick a cause to support or volunteer for
117. Set foot on every continent (What I'm missing: Europe, Africa, South America and Antartica)
118. Find a new favorite restaurant
119. Help a stranger
120. Become better at small talk (yes! I hate small talk!)
121. Save somebody's life
122. Write my name in Japanese / Korean / Chinese
123. Spend an entire day by myself
124. Restart my habit of doing crossword puzzles
125. Make conversation with my seat mate on the plane
126. Play truth or dare - and choose dare
127. Laugh w/ inspiring friends at least once a week (or more)
128. Have mentors in the most important areas of my life
129. Walk 30 minutes a day
130. Go to confession more often
131. Invest 20% of my income every month
132. Eat fruits for breakfast
133. Eat more vegetables (once a day is a good start)
134. Start a business this year
135. Spend time with God every day
136. Date my parents regularly
137. Before I sleep, remove all anger from my heart
138. Forgive
139. Be the kindest person I can be
140. Find my passion and live it fully
141. Give more hugs (and receive as many)
142. Listen to understand, not to reply
143. Celebrate more often
144. Spend more time with our dog, Rocky
145. Make a budget
146. Stick to that budget
147. Refrain from eating junk food
148. Drink 1 glass of milk a day (avoid osteoporosis)
149. Love unconditionally
150. Accept what is given with open eyes, an open mind and an open heart

Hello, December!

It's December once again. Time for Simbang Gabi, Christmas shopping...and bibingka! :) (Well, I guess bibingka is available year-round, but nothing beats eating hot bibingka right after dawn mass...Sarap!)

Just like any other December, this year-ender is sure to be a hectic one. I lost around 4 lbs same time last year because of the stress of Christmas preparations: Christmas party practices, last-minute shopping, pahabol deadlines at work and school. I had so much weight on my shoulders that time because of the pressure to win, all the drama surrounding it, and everything else I needed to accomplish.

2 and 1/2 weeks is not enough to finish all of this madness.

And here I am again, 8 days into the month, and I still have not accomplished a tenth of what I need to do. Same list: Christmas party practices, last-minute shopping, homework, quizzes and reports for school, site work, and paperwork. The list never ends (as with my complaining).

So instead of listing down every single item on my to-do list (yes, the items above don't even encompass HALF of my actual to-do list), I'd rather procrastinate and do a happy list...my random Christmas wishlist! :) There are only 2 days in the year that I can be selfish (and get away with it) - Christmas and my birthday - so I shall claim 1/2 of that privilege now:

1. A MacBook Pro. I would settle for a new MacBook...but if this is a wish list, then I should just go crazy and ask for the best there is. :D
2. An iPad. Yeah, yeah, so I already have its sisters, an (old) MacBook and an iPhone...but i want to be greedy and get the whole set. Me want iPad, now na.
3. Peace in Korea. As much as I want peace on Earth, I will be specific for now, because I know that these things (peace, and other big world issues like love and poverty) take a lot of time. So, God, please grant peace in Korea. I want to go to a safe, happy place by 2012.
4. First place in the Datem Christmas party presentation 2010. God, lilinawin ko lang: gusto ko maging Champion, hindi First Runner-Up.
5. A pay raise. I wish this every single day. I haven't been able to set any money aside for my "future fund" this year (ok, I did, but only during the 1st half...pulubi na ako pag-dating ng 2nd half. Why is this always the trend??).
6. Enough vacation time to be able to read the 5+ books I bought but haven't gotten around to reading yet. I have 5 more books I want to buy, but I have to resist buying them because my book stack is getting higher and higher. Hmm. Ok, maybe I should postpone this wish for next Christmas, since I know it's next to impossible to find some free time for 2011. Mind Museum turnover by December, STRAMA by next term, and all sorts of hullabaloo in between. Right.
7. In line with my wish above, I wish to be able to travel to lots of places by 2012. Since I will be virtually tethered to the Fort/Makati in the next few months, once all of my obligations at school/work are done, I will be freeeee! Planning to have enough money/time to be able to go to the U.S. (to visit my cousins for my 30th birthday), U.K. (watch the Olympics with Sally! And hopefully tour the other nearby countries), and South Korea (if they are at peace already...see wish #3)
8. A job well-done on my first construction project. :) Well, I don't have to wish for this...I just have to do it.
9. A job well-done on my first design project (our house!). Again, it's useless just wishing for it. I will just have to get it done.
10. A job-well-done on my StraMa paper and defense. And hopefully, to graduate with honors. :D Woohoo. Let's go!

I cannot think of other stuff to wish for. Too many material things that I want, but I know I can just buy them when wish #5 comes true (in time).

In terms of virtues and values -- Lord, please grant me patience and faith. :) I have faith that You only have the best planned out for me, and I am patient in waiting for it to come to fruition. Thank you, Amen. :)

Why graduation, not Christmas, is the most wonderful time of the year

What is it about commencement addresses? They are supposedly meant for the graduates, but more often than not, "other people" are struck by the words, and they are passed on from one inbox to the other (or from Facebook wall to Facebook wall).

"Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)" is a piece of music by Baz Luhrmann that has often been attributed (and erroneously so) to a commencement speech by author Kurt Vonnegut. In reality, it was based on an essay by Mary Schmich, published in the Chicago Tribune. When I listen to the song, though (I am listening to it now as I type this), I cannot help but imagine a sea of eager faces, turned towards the podium, at the commencement speaker. One cannot help but imagine it being addressed to the graduating class of '97, or any other graduating class for that matter. 

Because, let's face it: where/when else will advice be so freely given and accepted whole-heartedly? And where else can you find a whole bunch of hearts more open and willing to accept anything than in a graduation ceremony?

It is a nostalgic, romantic idea - the idea of graduation. It's the perfect example of "every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end." (again, my references are songs. Shows you how attached I am to my iPod haha). The idea of graduating is something that anybody can relate to: undergraduates hope for it, yuppies reminisce about it, married people dream about it for their kids, grandparents look forward to seeing their grandkids experience it (they look forward to nudging their seat mate  - sometimes even turning around in their seats - and proclaiming: "Apo ko yun!"). 

Everybody can relate to graduation because it represents a hope for a better future, a feeling of accomplishment, a bittersweet feeling of hello and goodbye. What other event can excite and scare you to death simultaneously? What other event makes you feel nothing but love for the friends and classmates that you swore you were going to kill only a few months before (most probably during thesis time)? 

Excitement. Anxiety. Hope. Forgiveness. Love. Nostalgia. Pride. Relief. Gratitude. INSPIRATION. All of THAT in a ceremony that basically just hands you a piece of parchment paper. Value for your money right there. Can you even replicate that unique combination of feelings / emotions that you experience during graduation? NEVER. It's once in a lifetime, and that feeling will change you forever. 

And maybe that's why I always feel exhilarated-slash-sentimental during the graduation ceremonies of any of my siblings. And maybe that's why I am (secretly) looking forward to 2011, because it will be my turn again. And maybe that's why some people like to study again (and again and again): it's not because they want to learn more, or because they want to get promoted; it's because they want to feel that unique mix of happy-sad emotions upon graduating.

Yup. I think I just solved the mystery.

* * * *

The  article below has gone viral on Facebook just this morning. It's a commencement address for a Singaporean university. I read it this morning and was inspired to write this blog entry on the beauty of graduation. Hurray for inspiration. :)

-----
Written by Adrian Tan, author of The Teenage Textbook (1988), was the guest-of-honour at a recent NTU convocation ceremony. This was his speech to the graduating class of 2008.
-----

I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It’s a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.

Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning.

You’ve probably been told the big lie that “Learning is a lifelong process” and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they’re wrong.

The bad news is that you don’t need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You’re in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I’m here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There’s very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you’ll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they’re 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn’t meet their life expectancy.

I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.

After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don’t need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.

The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.

Work kills. The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork. That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are “making a living”. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan “Arbeit macht frei” was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don’t imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I’ll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energize you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.
You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone