There is nothing wrong with being attracted to the proverbial “bad boy.” I say this unapologetically and with conviction (and with a little bit of defensiveness) because I, myself, have a propensity for bad boys. I believe that I’m not the only woman that has this tendency: it has been a known phenomenon in the dating world that most women are attracted to bad boys, just like bees are attracted to some sexy-smelling honey. The “good boys” or “nice guys,” on the other hand, are crying foul (or are scratching their heads out of confusion. Anyare??), because they cannot understand why girls latch on to the bad boy, cry when the bad boy breaks their heart, then complain about it to all of their friends afterward.
The nice boys are like, “You women say you want a man who is
husband-material; someone who can support you financially, emotionally and
mentally; someone whom you can bring home to your parents; someone who is
mature, sensitive and faithful. A nice guy with all of the qualities above asks
you out, you say no. And THEN a bad boy comes along. He ignores you, he doesn’t
call you for days, he makes you wait, he flirts with other women, and you can’t
seem to get enough of him. WHAT IS UP
WITH THAT???”
Oh, honey. It’s not that
simple. :)
Let me break it down for you:
First of all, if a nice guy asks me out and I say no, I am
saying no, not because you are a nice guy. I am saying no, most probably
because I am just not that physically attracted to you. Oops. Sorry. :D Maybe you’re
shorter than me, or there’s something about your spiky hair that bothers me, or
maybe I think your grammar sucks – it all boils down to the initial attraction.
It doesn’t matter if you’re good, bad, or evil; if there is no spark, it’s not going to work!
Secondly, the bad boy is not defined by how poorly he treats
women; not all “bad boys” are assholes, cheaters, jerks, players, or douche
bags. Bad boys get a lot of flak because people instantly assume that they are
one or all of the above. The term “bad” doesn’t necessarily pertain to
bad behavior. The term “bad” is used to describe (in a good way) the appeal of
a person -- the lure is from their attitude, baby! When a bad boy walks into a
room, you are instantly pulled in by his strong, irresistible presence (insert
dreamy sigh).
Thirdly, the bad boy is not defined by his appearance. Sure, a
scruffy, brooding exterior is added “bad boy points,” but as implied above,
the appeal of the bad boy is his confidence: the way he walks into the
room like he owns the place; the way he looks at you straight in the eye like
he’s unashamed of invading your personal space; the way he expects everything
to be a big production, like he deserves nothing less (insert dreamy
sigh).
The interesting thing about bad boys is that they are a potent mix of confidence, indifference, mystery, intrigue and most importantly, excitement. (Fernandes, Rachel. “7 Reasons why girls can’t resist bad boys,” The Times of India. 30 June 2011. Web. 19 September 2012. http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2011-06-30/man-woman/29717657_1_bad-boys-masculinity-traits)
Women love bad boys because we associate these “bad” traits with masculinity: the assertiveness, confidence and independence that the bad boy exudes enforce their manliness.
They say that the #1 draw of a bad boy is the woman’s hope
that she will be THE ONE to change him for the better. I beg to disagree with
this one. You don’t aim to change a bad boy (why would you want to
change traits that contribute to their hotness factor??); the reason why bad
boys are so irresistible is that warm, fuzzy feeling you get when you realize that
he is showing good behavior for you and you alone. He can be a bad boy all he
wants for others to see, but with you, he is tender, caring, thoughtful and
GOOD. That is not "changing him," that is bringing out his loving nature for
your benefit. :)
* * * *
My taste in men has evolved since high school. By “evolved,”
I mean that it has changed (in an improved manner) over the years – or so I
would like to believe. I started off
being attracted to the “baby face” types (which is probably a normal way to
start off, since high school boys SHOULD look young and their faces,
stubble-free). Most of my crushes back then had smooth skin (with a little bit
of teenage acne here and there), boyish smiles, clean, gentlemen haircuts, and mama’s
boy, country club polo shirts.
As I grew older (and as I was exposed to more types of men,
through university and work), I was inexplicably drawn to the “bad boy” types:
not the stereotypical bad boy with motorcycles, facial hair, and dangerous
habits (that’s too cliché don’t you think?), but to the bad boy with an
overflowing supply of confidence; the bad boy with swagger. Ang hirap i-explain sa English eh, kaya tatagalugin ko nalang: nahilig ako sa lalaki
na may dating, yung may konting yabang (insert
dreamy sigh. In Tagalog: isingit
ang kinikilig na buntong hininga).
* * * *
Now, there is no sure, set formula for a bad boy. I think all women have their own measuring system for this, which is dependent on what is different or unusual for you (what pushes your buttons; what intrigues you; whatever floats your boat ). According to my measuring system, and based on my experience / observations, there are 4 main (exaggerated) types of bad boys:
- The Brooding Artist: If bad boy levels are measured by their supply of mystery and intrigue, then this type of bad boy could be the most recognizable of all. The artist has a lot of angst (and other hidden emotions), which he channels into his craft (music, painting, graphic design, poetry, etc.). The artist doesn’t conform to what is conventionally beautiful or uso; he does what wants, according to his preferences, and he doesn’t give a damn what other people think. Physically, the artists aren’t always nice to look at: they’re a bit unkempt (a trip to the barber shop is considered an unnecessary expense), and often sloppily dressed (fashion is merely a ploy of the corporate world to make more money). But their smoldering, I-don’t-give-a-rat’s-ass stare, their impressive musical and/or drawing skills, and their overall mysterious vibe, gets women clamoring for more.
- The Cocky Frat Boy: This dude has got money, a whole brotherhood to back him up, and a sense of entitlement that causes him to walk into any room like he owns the place (chances are, he probably does). He’s good to his friends, but you wouldn’t want to be his enemy. As the name implies, he’s cocky: overly-assertive and confident, which means, he always gets what he wants. He’s so used to getting what he wants, that when something / someone is in his way, then you had better get ready for some bad boy action. He is well-groomed and preppy-looking (collared shirts and boat shoes), but what sets him apart from the Unassuming Bad Boy (see description below) is that he has a perpetual sneer on his face, and has a habit of staring at / talking to you with his head cocked to one side. In other words (and in Tagalog): mukha talaga siyang mayabang.
- The Unassuming Bad Boy: According to writer CJ de Silva on her article “The 3 Kinds of Guys You Will Meet in Your Life” (http://cjdesilva.com/the-3-kinds-of-guys-you-will-meet-in-your-life/), the most dangerous kind of guy is “The Jerk,” because “he is unaware of how destructive he can be and he looks harmless.” The Unassuming Bad Boy operates on the same premise: on the outside, he looks like a nice guy (wears preppy clothes, has a gentleman’s cut, and has clean nails), and he has good credentials and/or a pristine family background (has a high-paying corporate job, drives a nice car, and treats his mom like a queen). His nice boy exterior, paired with his quiet confidence, attracts him a fair-share of admirers, usually women who declare that they have had it with bad boys, and are now aiming to settle down with a nice, mature guy. The danger here is that though he claims to be a nice guy, once you get to know him, you find out that he has a tendency to be bossy (everybody else is a corporate slave under him), spoiled (thanks to queen mom), and commitment-phobic (he is a bit selfish, I suppose. Not really a useful trait in a woman’s quest to “settle down”).
- The Smooth Party Boy: He is slick, sexy and dangerous. He knows how to work the crowd, and most importantly, he knows how to work you. Because of his sexy moves (dance skills are always a plus) and smooth words (especially when they’re said close to your ear, so that they can be heard over the loud club music), people assume that he is a player. His main draw is that he is good with people. Barely 5 meters into a club and he has already said hello to at least 20 people (which include other partyphiles, bartenders, bouncers, and the DJ). When you’re with a Smooth Party Boy, you feel empowered, you feel desirable, and he makes you feel like you're the most gorgeous girl on the planet (you’re the queen of the club, baby, as long as you’re with him). He has 2 very important bad boy traits: confidence (off-the-charts!), and excitement (his life is an adventure!). When you’re with a Smooth Party Boy, you had better hold on tight and get ready for the ride of your life!
* * * *
I have encountered many different types of bad boys: some a combination of the types I mentioned
above; others, a mellow, understated version. As I said earlier, there
is no sure, set formula for a bad boy…it all really depends on what you
consider exciting. :) You may have your own definition of a "bad boy" but ultimately, it all boils down to
someone who makes your heart race, makes your palms sweat, and makes you tingly
all over.
So, to the "nice boys" out there, please don’t generalize things and complain
that you are being overlooked because you are too nice. You are overlooked
because the bad boy’s presence fills up the whole room. You are overlooked
because, though we women are looking
for men to take care of us, we are also looking for someone to ignite our
senses. We are looking for that ever-elusive spark.
You don’t get sparks from politeness or niceness. You get
sparks from romance, intrigue, passion, and vibrant energy. Although you nice
boys may be able to offer some of these traits sometimes, you don’t enforce it
with enough confidence, and it comes out half-baked.
Don’t second-guess yourselves! We women need real men: men who will show
the world who is boss, men who will take charge, men who are fearless, and men
who have dreams and who are not afraid to work hard for them.
Now, that is sexy
stuff.
