I have a love/hate relationship with February...and looking back at my blog posts from the same month in previous years, I realize that my reaction to February largely depends on the state my heart is in. I have ALWAYS known that February is a roller coaster of emotions for me, and the bad thing about it is, in the past, I've allowed it to take me for a ride. I've allowed it to drag me down to the lowest of the lows, and then pull me up to the high heavens. It seemed like such a good idea at the time, to be at the mercy of my emotions, to not try to hide how I really feel.
2005 - "February is bittersweet. It is when I wake up alternately happy and sad; It is when I feel the loneliest and when I feel the most loved. Contradicting (or crazy) as of all that may seem, all of that is what makes February special to me." (http://dedmalang.blogspot.com/2005/02/bittersweet-february.html)
2006 - For a time, I was worried that my February would not wrap up in the way that I wanted it to. I had a few down times during the middle of those 2 BIG events...but thankfully, God hasn't let me down. He still gave me the best birthday month ever. :) I just gotta love February. :) (http://dedmalang.blogspot.com/2006/03/just-gotta-love-feb.html)
2007 - I haven't been feeling very nice these past few weeks (the whole of February to be exact). I dunno why I'm so irritable/depressed/moody/sensitive for this month. I'm assuming I'm experiencing what's called the "Birthday Blues" -- also known as the condition that one acquires when one expects too much from other people. Bad. Very bad. :( (http://dedmalang.blogspot.com/2007/02/gusto-ko-to.html)
2010 - Who the hell invented this twisted tradition of treating everybody else on your own birthday?? It's supposed to be my special day, I should be treated like a princess! Pamper me! Surprise me! Stop nagging me to feed you! Close ba tayo?? (http://dedmalang.blogspot.com/2010/02/i-blow-out-mo-mukha-mo.html)
2010 - My dad said, after greeting me a happy birthday, that I have 5 more years to get married. "No more, no less." HAHAHA. Hah. Boo. *thoughtful frown* This is the most uneventful birthday of my life. Hmm. I kinda like it this way. (http://dedmalang.blogspot.com/2010/02/twenty-eight.html)
This year, I turn 30. It shouldn't be a big deal...30 is just a number, after all. But it doesn't hurt to look back and reflect on how the past 30 years have been for me: what I've been through, where I've been, how I acted, how I changed, how I grew, what I have become. Birthdays are a time to celebrate life; a time to celebrate how we get to have more time here on earth with our loved ones; a time to celebrate our achievements, our triumphs, and even our heart breaks.
This year would also be a good time to CHOOSE to be happy on my birthday. Sure, I've had happy birthdays before, but there were times when I've also allowed myself to be consumed by birthday blues. Now that I'm (supposedly) older and wiser, I know that I can ALWAYS opt to stay on the sunny side of the street. Why choose to be depressed? Why choose to be full of angst? Birthday blues, you are only a figment of my imagination. :P
I have so many things to be thankful for. 2011 has been a very difficult year for me; full of trials, especially at work. But it has given way to 2012, a year to be thankful for the challenges that have allowed me to become a better person. 2012 isn't just the year I turn 30...it is also the year I get to truly appreciate the maturity and wisdom that the past 30 years have bequeathed upon me.
The past 29 Februaries were dry-runs, leading up to February #30. Trial period is over. It's about time to show February who's boss. :)
