I feel terrible.
I was out late last night, and I was already half-asleep as I was driving home (yeah, I know, it's dangerous. In my opinion, it feels more uncontrollable than drunk driving). I already made it into my village, and in my mind, I was already picturing myself asleep in bed.
The next time I opened my eyes (I think around 5 seconds of sleep?), I glimpsed a white adolescent cat (not a kitten, not a grown-up cat..."medium-sized," as I relayed to my sister) crossing the street. There was no more time to avoid it, and I felt a "crunch" under my tires.
I feel terrible.
I was too chicken to go back and see if it was still OK (but judging from the crunch, I highly doubt it). I immediately called Sheldon to tell him about what happened, and he tried to calm me down by telling me that I shouldn't dwell on it anymore, and that it was not my fault.
But it was. I should have been more...awake. :(
Wah. I need a hug. :(
I still feel terrible. :( I cried when I got home (sabi nga ni Mama, ang OA ko daw, pusa lang naman daw yun). I cried myself to sleep, thinking how awful it feels to be responsible for taking away a life (yeah, so medyo OA nga ako, so what?).
A few years back, I witnessed a kitten being run over by an FX. It was so small that it spun around with the wheel a few times before it fell to the ground. I was traumatized for days. When I see roadkill on the streets, I get so angry that I wish karma on the driver. And now that I have blood on my hands (cat blood), I feel as if I'm a hypocrite, and that my karma is on it's way soon. :'(
I really hope that I didn't kill it. Maybe I just bumped it aside, or ran over its tail (I didn't hear it screech/wail, though). Or maybe it wasn't really a cat...just a huge, white rat. Wah, I'm desperate for a positive thought. :(
I can't handle this, I can't believe I killed something. :( To the cat, wherever you are: I'm sorry. I really really feel bad. I know that that thought doesn't help at all (especially since you might be already dead. And also since you're a cat, and you don't understand English), but I just want to throw it out to the universe. There. Sorry. :(
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
"not a kitten, not a grown-up cat..."medium-sized," as I relayed to my sister"
ReplyDelete--- more like "meedyum". haha! :P
"I shouldn't dwell on it anymore, and that it was not my fault."
--- oo nga. hindi mo naman sinasadya eh.
"Wah. I need a hug. :("
--- *tight huuuuuug* >:(<
"Or maybe it wasn't really a cat...just a huge, white rat."
--- eh animal pa rin if rat nga siya. haha. ok not helping. sorry. :P
"And also since you're a cat, and you don't understand English"
--- MEOW na lang?
hug na lang ulit. :)
Awww Ate Les, okay lang yan. Hug na lang kita >:D<
ReplyDeleteEy Les.. Don't worry about it. I had my first roadkill (a dog) way back in 1st year college. I was tearin' up the road in C-5, when I came across a dog picking up scraps that probably fell from a garbage truck.. Anyway, it was positioned kasi right around one of the curves near the Fort, so it was a bit too late for me to avoid it. I'm sure the same happened to you. Think na lang na mas safe yung ginawa mo.. Kasi if you were going so fast na stopping or swerving would have jeopardized your safety, it was the right thing to do.
ReplyDeleteBut I do understand what you might have felt nun. I kept praying and apologizing to God the whole way home. And when I got home, I realized that for sure I had killed the dog.. Bits and pieces of it were splattered all across the underchassis. :(
So there.. I still feel bad every time I think of it. But I just try to find solace in the fact that had I not done that, it could've been me. I may not even be typing this today. :p
Oh, and.. *hug* <:)
late comment, i know. sorry ngayon ko lang nabasa, pero feeling ko kailangan ko lang magreact. hehe. nangyari rin sakin to, and yes i felt just as bad when it happened to me. pero nagsorry ka na naman, i know somehow nakuha nya yung message mo. hehe. that's all you can do right now e. just be more careful next time. in fairness, nakauwi ka ng safe. ang galing mo! mahirap magdrive ng sobrang inaantok ah. hehe.
ReplyDelete