Sunday, January 30, 2005

Life Is Like A Wheel...

Things are looking up.

After a week of depression and pessimism, I finally feel as if I am breaking away from the forces that are pulling me downwards.

In other words, I'm going to be ok. :)

And in the words of one of my quirky friends..."Life is like a wheel...sometimes you're up. Sometimes you're down!" *bow*

Right now, I'm *up*...and I'm planning to enjoy my stay while it lasts. :)

Monday, January 24, 2005

Bad Karma

Today is not my day.

Actually, this whole week generally sucks so I guess this isn't my week either.

And since it's only the first month of 2005, and since my whole outlook for this month has been totally screwed, then it hasn't been my month OR my year.

Does it sound like the Friends' theme song to you? Not as optimistic though. And I don't foresee a happy ending. And there are no people saying "So your life sucks...but we'll be there for you!"

I have a feeling that my day will take a turn for the worse. I can feel all the bad karma just hovering right outside my door. It's just like what Janrey said during our freshman year: "Sa mga masasaya...May katapusan rin yan!"

In case you're all wondering...I'm PMS-ing.

But then, I would rather be PMS-ing and be happy, than be PMS-ing and be depressed. Do you get what I mean?

Saturday, January 22, 2005

Missing Kobe

Coming home last night from work, I was suddenly overcome by a raw feeling of sadness... After honking my horn, I strained my ears, half-expecting to hear the familiar barking of our dog. Hearing only silence, I was again reminded of the fact that Kobe was gone and coming home will never be the same again.
* * * *

As you may have figured out from my introduction...Our dog died.

That statement isn't meant to be funny, as most statements about death aren't even slightly humorous. It isn't meant to be aloof, because God knows how much I am grieving right now. It isn't meant to extract any pity from you, because I can't expect most people to understand how hard it is to lose one's pet...

That statement was just an attempt to help me let it all out, I suppose. I was kind of hoping that the statement "our dog died" would also tell you "I'm sad" and "I miss him." But then, only few people would really get that...


* * * *

Kobe has been in our family for almost 3 years. He was an adorable little puppy who always snuggled up against my shoes when he was scared or sleepy. He wasn't trained: he pretty much did whatever it is he wanted, and that included peeing everywhere and jumping at everyone. :) He also craved for attention: whenever we'd say hello to him before going off to work or school, he would run around in circles, hoping that we'd play with him, even for just a while.

I will miss hearing his high-pitched, "pumipiyok" bark everytime I come home. I will miss how he cocks his head to right whenever we would make silly sounds to catch his attention.

I hope that in his last hours - even though he was in a great deal of pain, even though we brought him to the vet too late - I hope that he never doubted for a moment that we love him. Because in his own doggie way - in the way he would look at us adoringly, in the way he would always, always be so happy to see us even if we've neglected him for a while - he surely made us feel loved.




This is Kobe last December 2004...less than a month before he died. The vet shaved his fur because of his fleas...he looks thinner because of it, don't you think? :( Posted by Hello

Me and Kobe during New Year's Eve 2003. We were keeping him company inside the house because he was scared of all the noise. He looks pretty scary in the pic too, with his glowing blue eyes. Hehe. Posted by Hello

Sit Kobe! Posted by Hello

This is Kobe on his first night in our house...Cutie, isn't he? :) Posted by Hello

Sunday, January 16, 2005

My Weakness

I spent more than half of my savings on Christmas gifts last December. So it was with firm resolve that I declared "No more exorbitant shopping!" - for the months of January, February and March 2005, at least. I have dreams of converting my hard-earned pesos into U.S. dollars come April 2005, so that I can do some "exorbitant shopping" in the States during our vacation.

Only 2 weeks into the new year, I have already broken that resolve. After the holidays, you acquire something that I call the "After-Christmas-shopping-itch": You spend almost 2 months buying really nice stuff for other people, and you pass up the chance to own that really nice khaki jacket at U2 just so you can *pay* for these really nice stuff. Your shopping urges are begging for compensation, and as a result, you feel as if you need to reward yourself by buying everything you've always wanted (as long as they're within your salary range, of course).

This is the moment where I am experiencing the contradicting emotions that one feels when one has a credit card: Exhiliration from total freedom and the despair of being caged in (as caused by the credit limit).

So what have I been buying (at the rate I'm going, though, "stocking up" seems like a more appropriate term)? What are the things that I think are worth going bankrupt for?

BOOKS.

Some girls have weaknesses for shoes. Others cannot live without make-up. I, for one, am a sucker for books. Leave me alone at a Powerbooks outlet, or set me loose inside Page One, and I will die a happy girl. When I saw the huge Borders store in Singapore, I felt my heart literally drop when my parents told me that we didn't have time to visit it.

When I get married and have kids, I dream of giving them a nice house in the suburbs, with a nice airy kitchen, a garden they can play in, and a private library where they can spend all day in and emerge as geniuses. :D

I am currently trying to complete 4 sets of books, all of which are made up of several volumes, and of which each volume is quite expensive: A Series of Unfortunate Events (what with the recent production of its movie caused the books' prices to rise somewhat), The Chronicles of Narnia (a definite classic), The Shopaholic Series (which is the "chick-lit" I've been referring to in my last entry), and the Griffin & Sabine Series (I've been trying to collect Nick Bantock books ever since college, but his books cost so much that I have to walk around Powerbooks for an hour with the book in my hand, just to convince myself that Nick Bantock books are an investment and that it's ok to spend a week's worth of my salary on just one freakin' book because my future children will benefit from it too - assuming that they'll love books as much as I do...).

So I have revealed my Achilles' heel: Give me a book on my birthday (*hint hint*), and I will honor you forever. ;) Lock me inside a bookstore and I will not protest (especially if it's Powerbooks Megamall, since there is a cafe inside as well as music to read by). Hit me with a bunch of good books and I will drop down immediately and read. :)

January hasn't even ended yet and I am at the peak of my After-Christmas-shopping-itch. May I have mercy on my bank account.

Saturday, January 08, 2005

Realizations

I feel totally relaxed after my one-week vacation this Christmas break...Subic and Baguio was a blast. :) One week of freedom gave me a much-needed rest...and provided me with enough time to mull things over.

Realization #1: It's better to give than to receive. And it's better to give really nice, well-thought-of, kind-of-expensive or really-expensive-my-bank-account-is-wiped-out gifts to the people you love, rather than give them last-minute, so-generic-anyone-can-get-them-at-the-grocery-store kinds of gifts.

Realization #2: High school boys can be pretty stupid sometimes. Dense. Insensitive. You get the picture. This is for my my impressionable little sister who's about to attend her prom in about a month's time: Don't get hung up on the fantasy. Dump the dude and get someone who's a gentleman. Tsss. I can't believe they don't teach manners in that school of theirs. The prom doesn't have to be magical...you just have to get through it in the best way you can. And that is not by getting your crush who treats you like #*&$. :D

Realization #3: I need to take care of myself more. I realize that I'm not getting any younger. I am gaining weight. I am getting paler (no, not *whiter*...paler. As in, unhealthy skin and unideal blood circulation). I can hear my bones cracking evertime I bend over. I think seeing myself under fluorescent lights while trying on a bathing suit at Nike's was quite a shocker. Hehe. Getting used to seeing myself in the mirror in a house full of yellow lights is not really good practice.

Realization #4: After bitching and complaining about my stressful job for 2 whole months last year, I finally realize that I'm getting quite comfortable in my office. I realize this after being suddenly assigned to a rush project and feeling quite pleased with myself after finishing the job on time. I'm really insecure when it comes to my so-called skills as an architect-to-be...so whenever I get a compliment, I lap it up like a thirsty puppy-dog. Kind of pathetic, actually. But I take what I can get. :)

Realization #5: I am anti-social. I don't like meeting new people because then I'd have to think of new things to talk about. I don't like making small talk with acquaintances...'cause...well, why waste time acting all friendly with someone you hardly know? I don't like going to gimik places at night because they're all so full of posers and people who just go there to *be* seen. Or people who like to look at other people and give them the once-over. And I don't like being once-over-ed. And my hair smells like a cigarette factory afterward. Ick. And I don't like sucking-in my tummy for hours on end just because every other girl in the room is wearing mid-riffs and tight tops (OK, it's the insecurity talking here, I think). I'd really rather just stay at home and read a good book, or watch a good movie, or just hang out with good, good friends. :) Call me Les-the-Hermit. :)

Realization #6: I think I may be a good candidate for Alzheimer's Disease. I know, I know...not funny. But I'm noticing that I'm starting to be really forgetful often. I don't remember the names of some of my highschool batchmates (we're a small batch and it's easy to know everyone, believe me). I don't remember the names of some of the people I knew in college. Let's not get started on birthdays. I forget little details that I'm supposed to remember. I forget events. I forget a lot of things. I'm irritable most of the time (isn't that a symptom?) I'm doomed...

Hmm...Now that I think about it, I realize that I've been thinking about lots of random stuff lately. It's good in a way because I'm not thinking about any major dilemma in my life or anything. It's bad because I should concentrate on acting on these realizations rather than just complaining about them and getting all wow-I'm-pretty-pleased-with-myself-for-realizing-something-about-life. :P

I think I'm like this because I've been reading too many chick-lit lately. I should read less and go out with friends more. :(