Heartbreak Therapy

When I am heartbroken, I usually go for at least one of the following: new hairstyle, shopping spree, junk food binge, or chicklit/flicks.

Today, I used all four. That should be an indication of how high a level of depression this day has.

Today, I walked around the Power Plant mall in a daze, buying stuff I would need for my "me"-time later that evening (a bag of Ruffles, a tub of Sour Cream, KitKat chocolate, a Summit pocketbook, and the newest title from Sophie Kinsella), and repressed the urge to cry in front of the other shoppers.

It's not the kind of heartbreak that you might assume (it's not about romantic love), but the kind that doesn't make sense. It's caused by a lot of things: fear, disappointment, insecurity, etc. It's a gut wrenching, pound-on-your-heart kind of thing that blindsides you when you least expect it (something comparable to having a grand piano dropped on your head: you don't know what hit you).

You don't have a clue why this is happening, or why you feel this way, but you do feel it. It's a mish-mash of so many issues, so many events, so many people and situations, that you don't even know who/what the real cause is. It just hurts, no explanation needed.

And it feels good to dwell on it (the pain) for a while.

After crying - bawling, is more like it - in the privacy of my car, I arrived home and gratefully slipped into my frogs & hearts nightshirt, and proceeded to spend an enjoyable hour or so, munching on chips and reading a really mababaw pocketbook. Now, I'm trying shake off the remains of this "heartbreak" by blogging. This is making me sleepy (and in sleep, there is no conscious feeling of pain), so I guess my writing is serving its purpose.

You see, I have been having an exceptionally shitty February, and the hits just keep on coming. One might think that fate should cut me some slack, seeing that it's only a week from my birthday. But I guess nobody is exempt from bad days, bad weeks, or bad months. Birthday blues, here I come.

I forget the point I was trying to make with this blog entry, really...I guess just wanted to say that this February is the worst ever of all the 28 Februarys in my life. And I wanted to throw it out into the universe that I will not put up with a sucky 28th birthday. So things had better improve in a week (or less). Please. :'(

My wallet, my diet, and my heart cannot take another week of this "heartbreak therapy."