Chris Tiu's day out

Ahhh, the perks of being a woman in the construction site: you get to fawn all over Chris Tiu. :)

Sir Frizan, Discovery Primea's project manager already told us the day before yesterday that we were going to have basketball superstar, Chris Tiu, visit the office. Why he was visiting, I never really did find out. But suffice it to say, I arrived early at the site on the day of the visit.

When I would usually come in to work with hair still wet from the shower, and my eyes still bleary from lack of sleep, yesterday I was fresh, polished, and made up (but subtly, para hindi naman trying hard. Eyeliner lang haha). Can't really do much to glamorize a girl in a Datem uniform, but I did my best not to look plain. :))

I love being a fan girl. The giddyness and the kilig-ness gives smiling power that lasts me for days. :)

He really stood out. I mean, he was in a construction site where all the site engineers are dark-skinned from being out in the sun for too long. And his arms were nice. I'm a sucker for nicely toned arms. *giddy smile* :)

Sana next time si John Lloyd Cruz naman mag site visit, so I can throw "One More Chance" lines at him, Bea-the-architect style. :))

Kunwari candid. :D

Fan girl mode. :)

Fan girl mode 2

Aaaah guwapo niya dito. ♥

Chris Tiu signing my hard hat. :D

The Top Ten Happiest/Saddest Quotes - from the RX Morning Rush

I love the RX Morning Rush. Chico and Delamar make my mornings unique every time. :)

I'm too busy to listen to the whole stretch, usually (6 a.m. - 10 a.m.), so I sometimes download the podcasts at http://cdtop10.blogspot.com/

And of course, I follow Chico's blog (http://chicogarcia.wordpress.com/). Sometimes the written entries are also very funny, and I am often caught looking like a fool, laughing by myself at the office. :))

This was posted just today, and I have only read a couple of entries before I decided that this was a Top 10 that I like. :) Worth reposting. I'll highlight my favorites. :)

* * * *

July 31, 2009 → The Top Ten Happiest/Saddest Quotes – Sent in by: Astroboy

1. Amber – “The best feeling in the world is realizing you’re perfectly happy without the thing you thought you needed.
2. Charmed - “Smile! You don’t own all the problems in the world. Some of them are mine.”
3. Infrared – “Shared sorrow is half sorrow. Shared joy is double joy.
4. Mrs. G – “With both happiness and sadness, applies the saying, ‘This too shall pass’.”
5. Honeybunch – “Don’t tell everyone about your troubles. Half of them don’t care, and the other half are thanking their stars that it happened to you.”
6. Merski – “If you can’t find a happy ending, get a new beginning instead.”
7. Kitt/Myrrdian – “Forgetting something you’re supposed to remember is nothing compared to remembering something you’re supposed to forget.”
8. Wandering Eneri – “The downsize of getting what you’ve always wanted, is having something that would be painful to lose.”
9. Horcrux – “You won’t find someone who will never hurt you. Instead, find someone who is worth the pain.”
10. Hoyz – “Ang mabigat ay gumagaan kapag binitawan.”
11. Blutots - “The sad situation is not the discovery that my prince is committed to someone else. What’s truly pathetic is how I try to snatch the princess role for myself. When really, I am just the wicked witch who gets in the way.”
12. Drandran – “With time, looking back at tears can make you laugh, and looking back at at laughter can make you cry.”
13. Buchoy and Betchay – “We can do anything, but not everything.”
14. Radiance – “Success is getting what u want; happiness is wanting what u get.”
15. The TWO-ng/Honeybunch – “It’s sad to see someone you know turn into someone you used to know.”
16. Debbie – “Being broken-hearted is like having a broken pair of ribs; on the outside it looks like there’s nothing wrong, but every breath hurts.”
17. AyemMahyo – “The only thing standing between me and total happiness is reality.”
18. KathyPie05 – “For once, I’d like to find someone who’s afraid to lose me.” (WINNER!)
19. Raquel – “We always give our hearts to those who care for them the least.”
20. Boknoi – “Nobody really cares if you’re miserable, so you might as well be happy.”
21. Boknoi – “The vitamin that’s the key to be happy is B1.”
22. Cheryll – “When love is short, forgetting is long.”
23. KiD BuKid – “A useless life is an early death.”
24. Palaweña – “The saddest goodbye, is the unspoken one.”
25. Eien17 – “When thinking of giving up, think first of the reasons why you’ve held on for so long.”
26. No name – “The term ‘cool off’ translates to ‘I want somebody else, but I want to keep you as an option’.”
27. Awi – “The saddest part of walking away, is knowing you won’t be chasing after me.” (3RD PLACE)
28. Doraemon – “One of the hardest lessons in life is knowing when to hold on and when to let go.”
29. Iminlikewithyou – “Death is life’s way of saying, “you’re fired!” Suicide is your way of saying, “I quit.”
30. Blitzkrieg – “Loneliness knows me by name.”
31. Carisa – “Those who forget, don’t matter. But those who matter, don’t forget.”
32. Jarod Kelanen – “Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.”
33. Eien17 – “As I look up watching the balloon fly away, there’s an ice cream melting in my hand.”
34. Eien17 – “No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is not saying.”
35. Eien17 – “Sometimes, fate draws two lovers together for the sole purpose to later tear them apart.”
36. Basha – “Sometimes the hardest person to get over is the one you never had.”
37. Awi – “Someday, someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked with anyone else.” (2ND PLACE. So optimistic. Hopeless romantic me likes this!)
38. No name – “I’m so sad because I wanna be happy so bad.”
39. MistyBoi – “The greatest enemy of present happiness is past happiness too well remembered.”

How To Use Your Pain to Achieve Great Success

I subscribed to Bo Sanchez's newsletter a few months ago, due to prodding from a friend. She says his insights brought her a great deal of comfort, and comfort is really what I need right now.

I've been receiving his newsletters for a few months now, but I was never really interested enough to read any of them. Up till now. I mean, how can you resist a subject heading that says: How To Use Your Pain To Achieve Great Success?

Pain? I had a lot of that. Great Success? I want that.

And so I read the email.

Here are a few excerpts that struck me the most:

Pain is fuel.

But like real fuel, it can do two things.

Fuel can catch a spark and explode, destroying everything around it. Or it can be harnessed in an engine and power a rocket to the moon.

What am I saying? Pain can destroy you or develop you.

It depends on how you respond to your pain.

If you respond with faith, pain can be the inner driving force that can change your life. Pain can be your fuel to rocket your launch to success.

Right now, you may be experiencing a lot of pain.

Perhaps your family life is a mess.

Perhaps your job situation is very tough.

Perhaps you always have no money.

Friend, this is not the end of your story.

You can overcome.

You can rise above your problems.

You can use your pain and make it fuel for you to succeed in life. You can rocket your way out of your pain and into prosperity.

I know this all sounds very preachy (since the words did come from a preacher's mouth), but the underlying message is that everybody experiences pain; everybody has different reactions to it. I guess I've realized that although having other people believe in you can fuel you to do great things, the push really has to come from within.

And I just want to clarify, that demanding / expecting is very different from believing. When you let down someone who demands or expects something from you, you disappoint that person; but when you let down someone who believes in you, you disappoint yourself.

I guess what I'm saying is that faith is never really wasted on anyone, regardless of whether they follow through or not. The real disappoint comes from failing yourself, from failing to push yourself to do what you are supposed to do.

Only now am I realizing that I've had the fire to succeed all along. I was waiting for other people to acknowledge me, to validate my role, to pat me on the back, to say "Congrats! You're awesome!"

I don't need to wait for that. :)

So why am I still blogging now? Haha. Onward! Let's make it work!

Happy 22nd Birthday, Seastarr!

To my sungit seastarr, Larissa: Happy 22nd birthday! :)

Tanda mo na.

Magtrabaho ka na para ikaw naman bumili ng damit natin (ok, fine, just kidding. I know you've bought a lot of *our* clothes already).

I wish that you will be happy and satisfied with love, work, and life in general. :)

Thank you for downloading all our shows so we can have seastarr bonding sessions over Project Runway, America's Next Top Model and Glee. :) When I'm done with seasons 1-5, we can start bonding over How I Met Your Mother next (may season 6 ba?).

Look at my birthday greeting for you 3 years ago! :) It's like déjà vu. :P Same circumstances pa (well, for me, anyway). Maybe in 6 days, the same thing will happen, tamang-tama, holiday. Haha. :)

I love you!

The Heart of Life

Girl: "It hurts when I smile."
Dentist: "I can fix that."

Hmm. Ok, it sounds kind of creepy when said out of context. But when you see the scene in the movie where this was said (Ghost Town), it was kind of sweet.

To emphasize the moment, the song "The Heart of Life" by John Mayer starts playing in the background. :)

I've never heard this song before tonight, but I was intrigued immediately (again, the lyrics called out to me), and so I have it on repeat in my iPod. :)

I hate to see you cry

Lying there in that position

There's things you need to hear

So turn off your tears and listen

Pain throws your heart to the ground

Love turns the whole thing around

No, it won't all go the way it should

But I know the heart of life is good

You know it's nothing new

Bad news never had good timing

Then the circle of your friends

Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground

Love turns the whole thing around

No, it won't all go the way it should

But I know the heart of life is good

(Whistle Interlude)

Pain throws your heart to the ground

Love turns the whole thing around

Fear is a friend who's misunderstood

But I know the heart of life is good

I know it's good

Wow. I've written 3 blog entries today that preached hope, faith and goodness. I feel like Rainbow Brite on uppers (Too many colors. Too bright. Too fake. Hurts my eyes. Ow) I think I started the day off with a sober note, escalated into preachy mode, crashed back into hopelessness, and now capping the day off with something mellow.

Yup. The heart of life is good. I know it's good.

Good Guys Don't (Always) Finish Last

I read this article and was touched: "A Victim Treats His Mugger Right."

It's about being kind to everybody you encounter in your everyday life. It's a bit crazy (and kind of hard to do), but it just says that everybody in the world deserves to be treated fairly.

I've been disillusioned so many times in my life that I've begun to question the justice in this world. I think I'm a good person; I think I do not harm people intentionally; how come my luck seems to run out on things that I consider to be important to me?

I remember having a discussion with a close friend of mine who was having marital problems.
How come the 2 of us - the good girls in the group, the girls who worked overtime, made their parents proud, were good girlfriends (subjectively, I think), went to Church, etc. - how come we were the ones with sucky love lives and broken hearts?

Maybe "Karma" or universal justice is overrated (or a lie that is said to hopeless romantics like me). Maybe it isn't about "deserving" a happy ending.

This quote explains it all: "Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting a bull not to attack because you are a vegetarian." - Dennis Wholy

BUT (yes, it has to be capitalized), even if goodness does not beget goodness, it doesn't give anybody an excuse to be bad. I was lamenting about this before: If goodness / kindness doesn't matter, if you get kicked into the gutter anyway, why waste time being good? Why not be a bitch and enjoy life's gifts anyway?

I found a blog entry of mine from waaaay back (back when I was still on blurty.com), and it perfectly discusses what I want to say:

I'm not exactly the person you should ask about lessons on being nice...far from it, actually. I'm not saying I'm a bitch. Hmmm..But I can be, come to think of it. Actually, I believe that all women have a secret bitchiness that is brought out by certain things.

Through the years, I've become really disillusioned about my public image. Back in gs and hs, I always believed that I was a "nice," "good-natured" person who meant people no harm. I was the girl who just sat quietly, and smiled at you as you pass. I could never say no to favors asked by friends. That may get me labelled as gullible sometimes, but for me, I was just "trusting." I still have good intentions when it comes to dealing with other people...but I think the bad side of Lesley has begun to rear it's ugly, bitchy head. Out goes nice, friendly, and sweet. In comes angsty, irritated and sardonic. (Author's Note 2010: I don't know what phase of my life this was when I wrote this entry, but I guess I was in a bitchy/bitter phase. Haha).

And then Legally Blonde comes along (Author's Note 2010: Yeah, this blurty entry was about Legally Blonde. Haha. Trust me to find some sort of learning in a chickflick). Some people think it's a brainless movie. Leave your brain at the door, just watch and have a good time. But even if Elle does project an image that says "Take me lightly," her character and the way she handles her relationships, actually say "Learn from me." I realized that being nice isn't a personality trait that you acquire from genes or whatever DNA is floating around in your system. Being nice is a lot like being happy...it's a choice. You either choose to make people happy by being good to them, or choose to annoy people with your I-think-I'm-above-you-you-don't-deserve-my-kindness attitude. Elle always chooses to be happy, by being nice to the people around her.

We should all take a page from her book. 

She gets criticized, laughed at and discriminated against, yet she faces these people with a smile and a trusting heart. "You just have to have faith in people." Is she merely naive? Too innocent? Too trusting? Overly optimistic? After all, who in their right mind would still dance on the sunny side of the street when there is a threat of jaded, pessimistic people jumping at the chance to trample you once you cross the line? 

The amazing thing is, she is aware of these risks. But she still chooses the sunny side because she has faith that there is some good in all people. AND she has enough faith in herself to believe that she has what it takes to bring out that good.

My point is, good guys get hurt, but it is not because the universe wants to punish them. Good guys get hurt because they are naturally trusting, have more open arms (and hearts), and are therefore, more susceptible to pain.

I know I am guilty of allowing hatred and anger to rule my heart. Just this week, I have probably hurt a lot of people because of my words and actions. I may regret it now, but I know that I cannot take it back; I cannot change the past. But I realize that the negative emotions need to be felt, in order for the positive emotions to be appreciated.

It's a long shot to expect other people to treat you fairly all the time, even when all you put out is love and rainbows and hearts and smiles; sometimes good guys DO finish last. The important thing to remember, I guess, is to always have hope (or faith? I interchange these 2 sometimes) that you will soon get what you give. You will soon receive kindness. You will soon receive compassion. You will soon receive consideration. You will soon receive respect. You will soon receive love.

The important thing is to rid your heart of hatred and anger so that these good things will have room inside, once the time comes.

"I figure, you know, if you treat people right, you can only hope that they treat you right. It's as simple as it gets in this complicated world."

Shared Grief

Just this past Sunday, I woke up with a heavy feeling in my heart, as if a huge rock was pressing against my chest. I stayed inside my room most of the day, as I did not want to share my grief with my family. I felt too ashamed, defeated and worthless (and very dramatic, obviously), and I didn't want my parents to worry about me too much.

I had to come out some time, though, and when my dad told me to get ready for mass, I hid my face behind my hair (which now falls down below my shoulders! Hurrah!) and made a quick run for the bathroom. Before I could "escape," though, he told me to go give my mom a hug, to comfort her. Her best friend died of a heart attack earlier that day.

When I went to her, I could see immediately that her heart was broken, and so I gave her a big hug and broke down immediately when she started crying. Maybe it was because it was an excuse to cry in front of her; maybe it was because I was heartbroken too; or maybe it was because we both shared the same grief.

We both lost a part of us that day: a dear friend, a part of our hearts, a memory, the future that could-be, a love, a part of our lives that can never be taken back.

When I cried my heart out to her, she didn't know what was hurting me; she just let me cry with her, knowing that letting out the tears will make us feel better, whatever it is that may cause us pain. I guess, in some way, she felt that my sobs were more than just empathic ones. I guess moms really have an intuition when it comes to their children. And so, I felt that when she hugged me back, it was more than just a hug of gratitude: she was grieving for my loss too.

* * * *

I think it's still too early to tell if I'm already okay. The heavy feeling is still in my chest, as if my heart has been replaced by an iron fist. But what I've learned from all of this is that, although I inherited my dad's looks and his disposition, I inherited my mom's trusting heart. Like her, I have a hopeful heart, a forgiving heart. I may have wanted to rip it out a few days back, berating myself for being too trusting. But now, I accept that it is a gift, and it is who I am.

It is a blessing, having a hopeful heart. It means that although it is capable of feeling grief, pain and sadness, it is also resilient enough to hope again, to have faith in the things that matter. And isn't that what feeds the heart? Isn't that what makes everything okay again?

A little bit of hope.

A little bit of faith.